Before leaving my boyfriend for 12 weeks for my first term at university, I promised myself that jealousy would not be an issue. I would not stalk his Facebook at one in the morning; I will not constantly wonder whom he’s with, or why he’s with her. It will not be an issue…
But when you’re 160 miles away from that person, all promises jump out the window, along with your sanity. And whether it’s a new friend that he won’t stop talking about or a photo on Facebook where his arm is around her neck, the little green-eyed monster is merely a fact of life.
Firstly, let’s take it back to the beginning. I have known my boyfriend for five years. Before he was my boyfriend, he was my best friend. And of course, as best friends we shared everything, including tales of him cheating on his then girlfriend numerous times. Stories he was in fact proud of.
And soon enough there was an incident with one girl, who shall remain nameless. He was on a boys-night-out with friends from work, when a female friend of his approached him. After having a few drinks together, the girl, who knew he had a girlfriend, tried to kiss him to which he refused. The next day, he told me all about it and apologised in a 2-hour phone conversation. I, was not impressed.
But this incident, only made me love him more. As strange as it sounds, knowing another girl wanted him, made him even more desirable to me. Posing this question to my friends, they also agreed with me. So why is this? Why, the moment someone else wants what's yours, do you instantly want it so much more?
Jealousy is a curious thing. When i first started going out with my boyfriend, i spent the first three months trying to convince him i was the easy-breezy, cool and enigmatic type of person. The thing is us jealous types are a self-aware bunch. We know that it’s futile, unsexy and destructive and we also know that the extra drink at the pub certainly doesn't help matters, but the thing is a little jealousy, as I’ve said to my boyfriend many times, is just a way of showing how much we care about another.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the possessive type of jealousy here. I am not the sort of person to use some new-age tracker device on his phone, or tell him he isn't allowed any other female friends. That sort of jealousy can be dangerous, and quite frankly a little psychotic.
I am, however, the type of person to get jealous over the amount of time he spends with his new best friend at university - who is in fact a girl. You know the numerous photos of them together all over Facebook, the late-night "life-chats" and general togetherness they seem to share starts to get a bit tedious after a while. They live together and spend most of their time together, which i found a little strange to begin with.
And it’s not just her, my boyfriend currently lives with three other girls and just one other boy. Those girls also have many friends. So i know full well, he is being surrounded by girls the majority of the time, which he loves. After ten weeks without seeing each other (or seeing what the other girls look like) things start to play on your mind a bit, well it certainly did me.
And, i recently found out, that after knowing each other for just two weeks, he and his new best friend - the girl - shared a bed because she was too drunk to make it to her own. This incident was a weird situation for me. Unlike the other instance, i didn't know this girl from Adam. So yes, i must admit for about ten days after this, late-night Facebook stalking ensued. It also caused one very late-night, very drunk, message i left on his phone about his behaviour (i know i know, what behaviour right?). Which i must advise you all not to do, as he refused to speak to me for almost two whole days afterwards.
But as I soon realised, once again, after this i couldn't wait to see my boyfriend. Not because I wanted to quiz him or ask him loads of questions or search through his phone for evidence. Just because i missed him, and wanted to see him.
The moment that another girl is put into the equation, I realise that they may find him just as desirable. And this makes him even more charming to me. This is strange, this is silly and I know all of that. It’s not that I forget that I love him, just sometimes i need reminding. And it’s often that other girl and that crazy little voice in the back of your head, you know the one that causes all this jealousy, that reminds me of all the good things in our relationship.
So yes, i admit i am the jealous type and i may have also been more than a little unfair on my poor boyfriend. But it’s the little things like this that make people realise how you truly feel. These 12 weeks have surprised me though. I have behaved in a way that i never thought i would. I never once thought i would be leaving 3am messages, bitching about other girls with my friends and trying to find faults with his female housemates.
So yeah, I promised myself that i would not be one of those jealous types. But 12 weeks is a very long time, and maybe being jealous is just another unexpected aspect of a relationship we all may have to endure. So I know jealousy is dangerous and unattractive and bad. However, maybe in very small doses, it could help remind you of all the things that you love about that person. And you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world... but maybe my boyfriend would.
But when you’re 160 miles away from that person, all promises jump out the window, along with your sanity. And whether it’s a new friend that he won’t stop talking about or a photo on Facebook where his arm is around her neck, the little green-eyed monster is merely a fact of life.
Firstly, let’s take it back to the beginning. I have known my boyfriend for five years. Before he was my boyfriend, he was my best friend. And of course, as best friends we shared everything, including tales of him cheating on his then girlfriend numerous times. Stories he was in fact proud of.
And soon enough there was an incident with one girl, who shall remain nameless. He was on a boys-night-out with friends from work, when a female friend of his approached him. After having a few drinks together, the girl, who knew he had a girlfriend, tried to kiss him to which he refused. The next day, he told me all about it and apologised in a 2-hour phone conversation. I, was not impressed.
But this incident, only made me love him more. As strange as it sounds, knowing another girl wanted him, made him even more desirable to me. Posing this question to my friends, they also agreed with me. So why is this? Why, the moment someone else wants what's yours, do you instantly want it so much more?
Jealousy is a curious thing. When i first started going out with my boyfriend, i spent the first three months trying to convince him i was the easy-breezy, cool and enigmatic type of person. The thing is us jealous types are a self-aware bunch. We know that it’s futile, unsexy and destructive and we also know that the extra drink at the pub certainly doesn't help matters, but the thing is a little jealousy, as I’ve said to my boyfriend many times, is just a way of showing how much we care about another.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the possessive type of jealousy here. I am not the sort of person to use some new-age tracker device on his phone, or tell him he isn't allowed any other female friends. That sort of jealousy can be dangerous, and quite frankly a little psychotic.
I am, however, the type of person to get jealous over the amount of time he spends with his new best friend at university - who is in fact a girl. You know the numerous photos of them together all over Facebook, the late-night "life-chats" and general togetherness they seem to share starts to get a bit tedious after a while. They live together and spend most of their time together, which i found a little strange to begin with.
And it’s not just her, my boyfriend currently lives with three other girls and just one other boy. Those girls also have many friends. So i know full well, he is being surrounded by girls the majority of the time, which he loves. After ten weeks without seeing each other (or seeing what the other girls look like) things start to play on your mind a bit, well it certainly did me.
And, i recently found out, that after knowing each other for just two weeks, he and his new best friend - the girl - shared a bed because she was too drunk to make it to her own. This incident was a weird situation for me. Unlike the other instance, i didn't know this girl from Adam. So yes, i must admit for about ten days after this, late-night Facebook stalking ensued. It also caused one very late-night, very drunk, message i left on his phone about his behaviour (i know i know, what behaviour right?). Which i must advise you all not to do, as he refused to speak to me for almost two whole days afterwards.
But as I soon realised, once again, after this i couldn't wait to see my boyfriend. Not because I wanted to quiz him or ask him loads of questions or search through his phone for evidence. Just because i missed him, and wanted to see him.
The moment that another girl is put into the equation, I realise that they may find him just as desirable. And this makes him even more charming to me. This is strange, this is silly and I know all of that. It’s not that I forget that I love him, just sometimes i need reminding. And it’s often that other girl and that crazy little voice in the back of your head, you know the one that causes all this jealousy, that reminds me of all the good things in our relationship.
So yes, i admit i am the jealous type and i may have also been more than a little unfair on my poor boyfriend. But it’s the little things like this that make people realise how you truly feel. These 12 weeks have surprised me though. I have behaved in a way that i never thought i would. I never once thought i would be leaving 3am messages, bitching about other girls with my friends and trying to find faults with his female housemates.
So yeah, I promised myself that i would not be one of those jealous types. But 12 weeks is a very long time, and maybe being jealous is just another unexpected aspect of a relationship we all may have to endure. So I know jealousy is dangerous and unattractive and bad. However, maybe in very small doses, it could help remind you of all the things that you love about that person. And you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world... but maybe my boyfriend would.
